The matrix reloaded gone insane!
by Akenaten
Summary: Selected scenes from the Matrix Reloaded, mostly with Agent Smith. If you saw the movie, you're old enough to read this! PLEASE R&R!


The matrix reloaded gone insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Summary: Our version of selected scenes from The Matrix Reloaded.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the Matrix or anybody in it, so don't send the lawyers after me!!  
  
Our story starts just after the Warner Bros/Village Roadshow logos show up...  
  
Larry W: Dude, let's waste $1 million showing the inside of a clock!  
  
Andy W: Cool! It's not our money, so why not??  
  
Trinity: See me crash this very expensive motorcycle through the security checkpoint! (takes off helmet) Like my she-male look?  
  
Audience: NO!!!! Put your makeup back on!  
  
Trinity: Shut up!  
  
Audience: How did she know we said that??!  
  
(Trinity kicks the crap of 10 security guys using her helmet). I'm in.  
  
(We see Trinity fall out of a window followed by Agent Simpson)  
  
Trinity: Look at my gun---it's shooting more bullets than it can possibly hold!!  
  
Agent Simpson: Woo-hoo! I get to fall out of a window! Alley-oop!  
  
Trinity: We should've hit the ground by now---it's been 5 minutes!  
  
A. Simpson: You bitch, you shot me! You shot me again!! How come I'm not dead yet?  
  
Trinity: You moron, you have to shoot me in the heart and then fall on a moving car, THEN you die!  
  
(Agent Simpson shoots her and continues falling. Lands on the car) D'oh! (dies)  
*********************************  
  
Cut to Captain's Meeting in rat infested warehouse...  
  
Niobe: These are the last transmissions from the Osiris..  
  
Nameless Captain #1: What the hell is an Osiris?  
  
Niobe: You dickhead! You didn't watch "The Animatrix" did you?  
  
N.C#1: The only reason I'm here is because they needed an extra for this scene!  
  
N.C#2: Can we get back to the script PLEASE???  
  
Niobe+N.C#1: Screw you! We have more lines than you do, so shut up! Besides, we have to wait for I-have-to-make-an-impressive-and-pointless- dramatic-entrance-Morpheus!  
  
(Morpheus, Trinity and Neo finally make an appearance and interrupts a game of Rock, paper scissors that the other captains are playing while waiting for them to arrive)  
  
Morpheus: This is the first of many pointless speeches I have to make in this movie!  
  
All the other captains+Audience: Crap!!! Don't you ever shut up??!  
  
Morpheus: If you think this is bad, wait until my dramatic and boring speech on a rock in Zion! I need a ship to stay and wait for the Oracle to get off her fat ass and contact us! Not only that, we're running dangerously low on hair gel and need somebody to pick up a crate!!  
  
All: We have no more hair gel??? NOOO!!!  
  
(Meanwhile upstairs, we see a car approaching and Agent Smith get out)  
  
Agent Smith: I have to make a theatrical entrance with really creepy music! (Knocks on door) Ow! My knuckles!! Damn steel door..  
  
Guard Dude: What?  
  
A.S: I'm looking for Keanu Reeves.  
  
G.D: Who?? Hey man, how come you're driving a 2003 Audi when it's only 1999?  
  
A.S: Neo, you jerk. I'm looking for NEO, GODDAMMIT!!!!  
  
G.D: Hey, everybody, it's Hugo Weaving! Thank God you're not in a dress!  
  
A.S: NOOO! Not again!  
  
(Gives Guard Dude a small package and leaves)  
  
Neo: Who was that?  
  
G.D: It was Hugo Weaving and he gave you this.  
  
(Neo opens package) Ewww! He gave me his used earpiece! Go to your exit! Anyway, agents are coming. I'll knock all 3 of them on their asses in less than 30 seconds anyway!  
  
Guard Dude: Agents are coming?  
  
(We see a fist shaped dent in the steel door appear)  
  
Neo: Gee, ya think?  
  
From behind the door we hear: OW!  
  
(Agents smash through door)  
  
Agent Johnson: See us look really threatening! But we're the upgraded schoolgirl version. If you hit us, we go and cry in the corner! I only have 4 lines in this movie!  
  
(The fight begins and Neo throws agents against the wall)  
  
Agent Jackson: I've fallen and I can't get up!!  
  
Agent Simpson: D'oh!  
  
(Neo does an air guitar solo)  
  
Andy W: You stupid dick, this is "The Matrix Reloaded" not "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure"!!!!  
  
(Neo then kicks the crap out of all 3 agents in less than 30 seconds, then flies up)  
  
(Agent Smith reappears)  
  
A.S: That went as expected.  
  
Larry W: Let's freak out the audience and show 2 Smiths in the same shot!  
  
Andy W: How much will that cost?  
  
Larry W: About $3 million.  
  
Andy W: Yeah!  
  
Audience: Cool! How can there be 2 Smiths?!  
  
Larry W: You ain't seen nothing yet! Wait until the big Smith/Neo fight that cost us $490 million to make!  
  
****************************  
  
Fast forward to Seraph in the tea house..  
  
Seraph: Dude, we need to trash this place! Let's have a fight for no reason at all except to show off our cool kung-fu moves!  
  
Neo: And to waste $500,000 of Warner Brothers. money!  
  
(They fight and go into hallway)  
  
Neo: Cool! An endless hallway of doors! Whoa! Is that Justin Timberlake??  
  
J.T: Chill out, dude! We're making a spoof of this crappy movie for the 2003 MTV Movie Awards! Didn't you watch the 2nd disk in the Matrix Reloaded DVD??!!  
  
Neo: Wait. There was a second disk in that DVD?  
  
Seraph: Keanu Reeves IQ points are dropping to "Bill and Ted" level. What a jerk!  
  
(They pick a door at random and meet the Oracle)  
  
Oracle: I have to fill this scene with confusing riddles. Hey, why not? Logic has NO place in this movie! But you'll like the Merovingian's speech! It's really funny if you understand French!  
  
(Oracle and Seraph leave)  
  
(Smith appears again)  
  
A.S: Mmiisstter Aannddeerrssoon!  
  
Neo: No, not again! Talk faster!!  
  
A.S: Did you get my package?  
  
Neo: You didn't even wrap it! And it was my birthday too! (Goes off to cry)  
  
A.S: What a wimp! How come I can't kick his ass???!!! I have to make a boring speech about purpose and connections. And to make it really annoying, I have to be cryptic!  
  
Neo: (whining) Can we fight now?  
  
A.S: Not yet. I have to show you all my clones first! Send in the clones! (Clones start arriving)  
  
Neo: Dude, how'd you get so many?  
  
A.S: Like this! (Shoves his hand into Neo's chest and makes him look like a black hot fudge sundae)  
  
Neo: Oww! You bastard! That hurts!  
  
Smith: No, really, we only had 5 guys in the scene who looked like me and we CG'd them over and over to make it look like 100!  
  
(Neo and the Smiths start fighting)  
  
Larry W: OK folks, this scene bankrupted 1 major Hollywood studio and took 2 years to make!  
  
Andy W: Too bad it only lasts for 5 minutes!  
  
(Neo knocks Smith's clones down like dominos)  
  
Neo: Whoa, I can kick some serious butt! Most excellent!  
  
A.S: Where the hell are my other 150 clones???!  
  
Smith Clones: We're coming, Dad! (come in through the gates)  
  
(Neo is slammed in a wall and uses a metal pole to knock a clone onto some stairs)  
  
A.S: Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why? Do you even know?  
  
Bob the Sound Guy: Hey, you overpaid moron, that's in the NEXT movie! Read the damn script!  
  
(Neo is hopelessly outnumbered, chickens out and flies away. Smith clones start to leave)  
  
Smith Clone #15: Let's go get some beer!  
  
Smith Clone #32: And pick up some chicks!  
  
All: Yeah!  
  
A.S: My car only seats 6, some of you will have to ride in the trunk !  
  
***********************************  
  
Skip to the Merovingian's Restaurant...  
  
The Merovingian: I have to curse in French now for no reason at all, except to show you that it's like wiping your ass with silk!  
  
Audience: Eww!  
  
(Later in the scene) Persephone: She wasn't kissing your face, my love.  
  
Woman in Audience: Hee hee!  
  
Her kid in audience: Mommy, what does that mean?  
  
Woman in Audience: Shut up, kid, I'll tell you when you're 30!  
  
(Neo and Frenchie's goons get into a really cool swordfight)  
  
T.M: You are trashing my chateau, you idiots! Now I have to hire someone to clean up the all the blood and get rid of the bodies!! Arrgh! (closes the door)  
  
Neo: Damn! How come I can fly at 2,000 miles per hour, but I can't get to the door in time????  
  
(Trinity, Morpheus and the Keymaker go to the garage, steal a car and the Albino twin dudes follow them)  
  
(Take 1: Agent Johnson must jump onto moving car, falls and hits the pavement instead. Splat!)  
  
Larry W: We're gonna have to find more actors who look like Daniel Bernhardt  
  
(Takes 2-15 with different actors: Goes SPLAT again)  
  
Andy W: Not only that, but we have 15 families to inform...Get the company lawyers!!  
  
(Freeway scene takes another 15 minutes, $500 million and 1,200 trashed GM cars to complete)  
  
Larry W: Cool! We destroyed more cars in one movie than the Blues Brothers did in both!  
  
The End 


End file.
